I was drawn to Billy Idol today for musical inspiration. He is an odd fella but still I heart this song. I remember listening to it, with that ugh disgust squirmy stomach when you want to appreciate beauty but its just not there.
The Sister yelled at me last night and made me cry. She hasn't cause me to cry since I was 14. Two days after she left for college, I cried, a lot. I am not one to shed the tears really for anything, well genuine tears. I have tears that are the "oh I should probably cry" but they aren't meaningful. Last night, I don't know why I was super upset. I think it was or less I realized a lot of people don't like me. I am not very alarmed at all. But when there are four people telling you, that you kind of suck, its not the greatest thing to go through. I fell asleep and woke up the same bitch I still am. I hated the feeling of feeling disgusted with myself. For the night I was then I thought of the things I do that make things better for myself. Very narcisstic but I am not really living for another person, only really God. But otherwise, if I weren't bitchy or annoyed in my daily life, I would get trampled on like a dirty carpet filled with crumbles and old skin cells. So I feel justified to be the bitch I am. I get my shit done. People may not wholly agree with my method. But it works for me, I like to figure things out at the moment, solve the problem so it doesn't blow up. Unfortunatetly at midnight, not the best time to use this method of "get'r done." Unless...nevermind.
The reason The Sister yelled at me was because I was complaining about my gloves. Yes a glove, but not physically the glove, the interpretation of the glove is why I was pissed. So we left Paddy Os last night, I enjoyed the happy singing and dancing goodness drinks. We got to the car and I wanted to check for my gloves, since I had one side. We were driving, but I wanted to make sure I had my other glove. I asked Potter to look around in the backseat. We started bitching at each other because she "didn't want to look anymore." I was annoyed and upset because I lose my gloves all the time, these certain gloves had a sentimental value to me. When I complained about not looking for the glove I tried to demonstrate that what I value as useful is important to me. I grabbed Potter's purse and placed it in the third seat. She got pissed. I wanted to demonstrate that if it were back there I would look but she didn't understand. The Sister was pissed at me for being a bitch about a glove. She yelled and brought all these times that she deals with the bitch I am. Then other chime in and how they have to deal. I was caught off guard and just wanted my glove. We get back to the house and Potter arises from her seat, there was the glove. If only she moved over a bit, then we would be having a Game Night at our house.
The moral in my version of this story is, I would give up a lot in the second for a friend in need. Or rationalize trying to situate that okay we will look in the immediate area, not half assed looking or mocking looking. Anyway it wasn't about the glove just that if I lost something of greater value (monetary or not) would I be seen as the bitch for wanting to go out of my way to find something? Anyway that is my ordeal I cried about, I know how to seek that trait in others carefully.
Well I did make it dramatic but I tend to over analyze things and think about the big picture of a situation. Testing friends is a must. Finding out the answer...blows.
What doesn't blow is Booty music. Its hot!
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